Which of my belongings is not making the move into our home?
Before marriage deck · 100 cards
Questions to ask before marriage
1 of 100
Tap the card or press space for the next one. Skipping is always fine.
Not a checklist. These are the conversations engaged and serious couples should have early, while they're still easy, about money, kids, family and the future.
All 100 questions
The whole deck in order, from light to deep. Handy if you'd rather read from a list or print it.
Light
- Which of my belongings is not making the move into our home?
- Which of our friends do you think will cry first at our wedding?
- Thermostat, dishes or the blanket: which will our home fight about most?
- What are we naming our shared Wi-Fi network?
- Which of my kitchen habits are you already planning to change?
- What pet are we getting first, and who's walking it at 6 a.m.?
- How would you sum up our future Sunday mornings in one sentence?
- What song should play the first time we cook in our own kitchen?
- Which chore would you trade me almost anything to never do again?
- What rule goes at the top of the house-rules poster on our fridge?
- Who's going to burn dinner more often in our first year of marriage?
- Which of my annoying habits have you already decided to marry anyway?
- Where should our first anniversary be, and who's in charge of planning it?
- Which of our parents is most likely to give a wildly unexpected toast one day?
- Which holiday tradition from your family is coming into our home, no negotiating?
- Would you rather have a huge wedding or a small one and spend the savings on an amazing honeymoon?
- What is your ideal wedding ceremony?
- How should household chores be divided?
- Do you already have baby names picked out?
- What was the best part of the best wedding you've ever been to?
Closer
- What does a good apology from me sound like after an argument?
- Whose family gets the big holidays, and how should we take turns?
- If a dream job came up far away for one of us, how would we decide?
- Which of my spending habits makes you quietly nervous, and what would help?
- How do we handle it when one of our parents gives advice we didn't ask for?
- How did your parents talk about money at home, and what do you want to do differently?
- How should we cool off when an argument is getting too hot?
- What should your friends still get from you after we're married?
- How much alone time do you need, and how will I know you need it?
- When you're sick, what does good care from me actually look like?
- What piece of your single life do you want to keep after we marry?
- What kind of home do you see us in five years from now, and where?
- What would an ideal weekday evening look like for us five years in?
- How do you picture us celebrating each other's wins, big and small?
- What did your parents do in their marriage that you want us to copy?
- How often do you picture seeing each of our families once we're married?
- What has wedding planning shown you about me that you didn't know before?
- What role would you like faith or spirituality to play in our home, if any?
- Which couple we know handles money well, and what could we steal from them?
- Which tradition from my family are you curious about, or a little unsure of?
- What does a fair split of chores look like when one of us works longer hours?
- How much should either of us be able to spend without checking with the other?
- How do you feel about lending money to friends or family, and where's your limit?
- A surprise windfall lands in our account: how much do we save, spend or give away?
- How many nights a week do you picture us cooking versus eating out or ordering in?
- Which job around the house do you actually enjoy, so I can happily leave it to you?
- What do you think marriage will change about living together, and what won't it touch?
- How open do you want us to be with each other about health stuff, even the awkward bits?
- Who should handle the bills and paperwork, and how do we keep the other one in the loop?
- How should we split the mental load, like remembering birthdays and booking appointments?
- When did you realize you wanted to marry me?
- If we have kids, what qualities do you hope they get from each of us?
- Would you encourage your kids to follow their dreams or to instead pursue careers that pay well?
- Do you want to have kids?
- What do wedding rings mean to you?
- Should couples fully share their finances?
- What kind of parent do you think you will be?
- Do you want to live near or far from relatives?
- What do you look forward to about being a parent?
- When do you think a person is ready for marriage?
- How do you think life will change once we're married?
- How much money a year would you need to feel comfortable?
- What's the best relationship advice you've ever received?
- Would you share all our money, or keep separate accounts?
Deep
- What are you hoping marriage will fix that it maybe can't?
- What promise do you want to make me that isn't in any standard vow?
- Which of your parents' flaws are you most afraid of repeating in our marriage?
- What would you need from me if you went through a dark season, like depression or grief?
- What do you want our kids to learn from watching the two of us argue?
- What would make you feel we'd turned into roommates instead of partners?
- What does "for better or worse" mean to you in everyday, practical terms?
- What would you forgive easily, and what would be very hard for you to forgive?
- Is there a debt or money worry you'd want me to know about before we sign anything?
- Beyond the obvious, what does being a good spouse mean to you?
- What should our marriage look like on its worst ordinary Tuesday?
- Which of my health habits worries you, even if you haven't said so?
- What should we do on the day we notice we've stopped really talking?
- Say one of us loses a job for a year: how would we carry it together?
- When we disagree about something big, how do we decide whose way wins?
- How do you feel about a prenup, and what would signing one mean to you?
- How would you feel if one of our parents needed to move in with us one day?
- How would we cope with a serious diagnosis for one of us early in marriage?
- What part of your past do you still worry might follow you into our marriage?
- How should we handle it if one career starts asking more of us than we planned?
- If your family and I clashed on something important, how would you stand between us?
- How would we handle it if, years from now, one of us wanted kids more than the other?
- If we see religion or values differently, how would we decide what to teach our kids?
- How would you want to tell me if you felt unhappy in our marriage but couldn't say why?
- How will we protect time for just us when kids, careers and parents all need something?
- What are you not willing to change for a relationship?
- What patterns of conflict did you learn from your parents?
- What would you do if your parents didn't like your partner?
- What counts as cheating to you: emotionally, physically, and digitally?
- What's your biggest fear about marriage?
- What would we do if we ever fell out of love?
- Do you have any doubts about our future together?
- What would you do if I became physically disabled?
- Would you be willing to adopt if we couldn't have kids?
- What are your real non-negotiables in a long-term partnership?
- When your parents get old, how do you plan to take care of them?